Lisa Lampanelli

0:03Hey, it's Lisa Lampanelli calling. Hey, how are you? I am so sorry. I'm getting married in like two days, and we got involved with wedding fagity, arts and craft stuff. That's all good. Oh my God, I forgot to have a career other than wrapping gifts for people. I learned to like, how are you? I'm doing well. So where are you Los Angeles? New York. New York? New York? Or are you? Yes. Uh-huh, interesting. I didn't know that. But they do all the roasts in LA. Do they not? So you fly out for all those things? Oh, yeah. I know. We did actually one in New York. We did the Jeff Foxworthy Roast in New York, which is hilarious. Because if there's, I mean, Jeff Foxworthy New York, shouldn't it have been Nashville or something? You know what? Comedy Central, that's what you get. Fair enough. Fair enough. So what? Getting married. This is this no one.

0:48No one, you have your act is gone. What? What are you doing? Oh my God. Fortunately, my fiance slash future husband, leaves me a lot of good material. Yes. He's right here, so I can't say too much. But let's say the Italian men have a lot to be, a lot of fun to be poked at them. Italian? Wait, what? I know. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hey, here, let me say, in my defense, as an Italian, he's still considered black and part of America, especially Mississippi. Hey, there you go. So what inspired you to do insults? I mean, comedy can go many different ways. But you fall in the path of Don Rickles. How come? Well, you're so funny. It's because I really noticed from the first time I went

1:35on stage that the most fun I had was when I made fun of the audience or the MC or the other comics and just kind of rubbed them a little bit. So it just kept getting where I at least followed kind of what I thought was good about my act and funny. And it just sort of developed, which you know, thank God, because I really enjoy it. Don't want to. When you a Grammy, did you ever think working at Rolling Stone back in the day that you would be a Grammy winner? Well, it's so funny is I got nominated for Grammy. I lost those A-holes flight of the Concordes, which kind of pissed me off because I've seen their show on HBO, The Rape Scenes and Oz were funnier, but whatever. Oh, well, then then Wikipedia has lied to me with this Grammy winner thing. I probably put it on. But it was cool. That's like, you know what?

2:21Like when you win it or when you're getting nominated for Grammy or play Carnegie Hall or something, that's like a resume changer. So at least you feel like, oh, wow. I'm somebody now, so it felt really good. Yeah. So what is your act like on stage? I mean, we know you from The Roasts and we know you from Howard Stern and things like that. But what is at least the Lampanelli comedy act like? Well, let's put it this way. It's like a Gallagher show without the watermelon. If you sit in the front, you're definitely going to get splattered. So it's definitely like a Riggles type act where, you know, I make fun of everybody race, creed, color, sexual abomination, all of them. And luckily, they come back again and again, like they do with Riggles because they know, you know, I pretty much like everybody. So I don't make fun of people I don't like.

3:07So basically, I don't make fun of the French. Everybody else is fair game. Fair enough. Do you have a pile of roast jokes? Because you must be writing them all the time just for new celebrities whenever something happens. You know, even if you don't run them down, they must be in your head. Oh, yeah, definitely. Like I do the Twitter. So I do a lot of Twittering. And it's a lot about those kind of people, definitely. Because your mind can't really shut off when you're watching these Aft and Ain't Show. Fair enough. Who do you have a pile on that you haven't roasted on yet? Let's see. Mel Gibson, Lindsay Lowan, the entire cast of the Hill. Yeah, fair enough. Oprah Winfrey, Courtney Love. Oh, well, actually Courtney was at one of the roasts. Yeah, I'm surprised she hasn't been the subject yet.

3:53Well, she's so badly behaved all the time. I think they're worried because she's like a mental patient. And they'd have to strap her down. That's true. Oh, Lord, you don't even know. During the Pam Anderson roast, she was so unruly. They cut most of it. I don't thank God. But she actually grabbed me at the end of the roast and kissed me on the lips, dude. Oh, there you go. I was high for five, three days. I shouldn't have to put up with that. We do something on the show called Five Questions, just five good questions. One word answers. Sure. Carlin or Pryor? Pryor. Lenin or Black. Just because he's black. Nah, fair enough, fair enough. Lenin or McCartney? Oh, my God. I have to say McCartney because he's still boyishly cute and half his money has gone to a bitch with one leg. Is that wrong?

4:39No, I don't think it is. She's a bitch. She's got one leg. Right. Greg Giraldo or Jeff Ross? Well, you know, I have to say Giraldo because, did you know he died today? What? He's dead. Greg Giraldo died today. Yeah, I mean, it's so weird because he had an OD on Saturday and I figured, oh, you know, we're bounced back like Artie Lang or whatever. And yeah, he was pronounced dead today. So I have to say it definitely have to go with Giraldo today. Yeah, oh, my God. Well, I just feel bad that I asked that question now. That's OK. You didn't know. And you know what? He's a funny guy, man. He was hilarious. And the last roast we did with him was the Half-Off roast. Have you guys seen that one yet in Canada? Yeah, yeah. Well, I don't know. I downloaded it. I don't know what they show up here.

5:25Right. Well, it was so good. And Greg was a bit closer because I didn't want to close this time. And I got to say, at least my last interaction with him was amazing. So he was one of the good ones. Give me a story about Greg since he did pass. What's your fondest memory? Well, you know what? It's got to be that roast because actually, even the roast before that, we did Larry the Cable Guy. You were the roast master. Yeah. And Greg went first, I think. So he always kills, right? So we're on the plane going back. And I didn't know he was on the plane. And because I'm really self-centered and only notice myself. Of course. I feel somebody come up to me as a plane land, grab me, and hug me and kiss me on the cheek. And he goes, you are great. And then he runs away. And I was like, oh, it's typical emotionally unavailable guy.

6:13But he really gave me a compliment. So I mean, when a guy with a Harvard Lord of Greece says you're funny, you feel pretty good. You went to a good school, didn't you? Yeah, well, I went Syracuse for undergrad. And then I went to Columbia for one year as grad student. And I just didn't want to become a teacher. I mean, can you imagine me in the classroom right now? Be worse than that guy on South Park. Yeah, fair enough. So yeah. And then I did a little program at Radcliffe Harvard for publishing. And that was only a summer course. But sometimes I'm in a mixed company. I want to brag. I'll say Harvard and across my fingers behind my back. Yeah, fair enough. Bit you've written your most proud of. Oh my god. The joke I'm most proud of probably in my life

6:58is on the half-loft roast. Well, there's two of them. On the half-loft roast, I said that half-loft liver was so black and bloated, it could have started in precious. And on the Foxworthy roast about Ron White, who, as you know, was a big drinker at the time, I had said he's disappointed more fat women than Jenny Craig. I mean, comma. Oh, they're good ones. Do you? 22, those jokes are relatively clean. But I expound on them when I'm kind of on stage, to be a little more dirty even. So I think people will enjoy the live stuff. Awesome. I saw I remember seeing Whitney Cummings at the Comedy Store. We're just working through the bits for the Hasselhoff roast. Do you go do that too? Is that how you prep the jokes and know what's good?

7:44No. You know what? I know in my gut. And also, my fiance, I mean, I hate to compliment him while he's sitting here. But he really is bright when it comes to comedy. He can't spell, but he's a damn good soundboard. And he really tells me if it doesn't hit right, if it's kind of weaker than the rest, and we rate them ABC, et cetera. And if it's not an A or an A plus, it just gets cut out. Yeah, you know, we kind of know it in our hearts. So that's, yeah, thank God I don't have to do them in front of an audience, because if I had to walk to a club right now, I'd kill myself. I can't take it. Oh, fair enough. And in one word, Lisa Lampanelli. Sensitive. Aw. That's sweet. I know, right? Loving, sensitive.

8:30I could go on, but you said one word. I did. I did. Well, thank you very much. Good luck with the wedding. And we'll see you in a few weeks. Oh, you're awesome. Thank you, hun. My pleasure. Take it easy. OK, bye.